Reality check

Camp withdrawal is still occurring at this very moment. I miss camp, and I miss the people already. I miss spending time with these people and sharing my lives with them!

A friend told me about her thoughts on the "true" wilderness, in which the challenges will come to us now that we are back into the city. Coming back into the city, I am already facing different challenges and fears... knowing that grandma won't be lasting very long.. knowing that there is an unknown future ahead of me, and so much more...

I still have many fears... fears of falling into the temptation of going back to my old, unclean lifestyle again. But I am reminded about the new wineskins: "no one pours new wine into old wineskins - if he does, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and wineskins will be ruined."

On the other hand, today's sermon on "Is your family all right?" made me ponder more on what we've learned at Mark West. The healing that Elisha performs reminds me of all the different types of healings that Jesus performs. The faith of the mother reminds me of the faith of the ones wanting to be healed by Jesus...the emphasis of the passage on family... and so much more..

God has the power to do all things.

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing." -- Zephaniah 3:17

ASKamp & Mark West 2010

Back in Edmonton! Although it feels kind of weird being back in the city and not the wilderness. I spent almost 10 days at Pioneer Ranch Camp with great friends and met new people!I learned lots, ate lots of salad/fruits, spent lots of time with people, showered everyday, and so much more! There is still a lot to reflect on and needs to be processed, but hopefully that'll happen soon! =)

Now that we're back in the city.. I'm experiencing camp withdrawal and a bit of cultural shock.... not used to seeing more cars than trees, not used to not being with people almost all the time... and I'm eating... veggies.. haha - what's wrong with me?!?!?!?!?

I MISS CAMPPP. I wish I can go back and spent more time there!

Deja vu?

Although it feels like I'm going through this "deja vu" moment right now, I know in reality I am certainly not. Right now, I think I'm in shock mode...

This morning I woke up to a call from my aunt from the hospital, telling my family that grandma went into the emergency room around 5ish.

While I was showering, things just started connecting: two years ago, I finished off a degree. This year, I finished another degree. Two years ago, I started my job at Starbucks. This year, I am going back to Starbucks for the summer. Two years ago, my grandma was in the emergency room... and this year, it's happening again.

These series of events exactly happened two years ago. I really hope the doctors find out the reason she is hospitalized and I really hope that she'll be fine (at least til I come back from camp)... because I don't want to worry too much when I'm gone to camp for 10 days starting Thursday...

:(

My mom is a fob...

I love reading stories from mymomisafob.com

I would never imagine my mother to be part of this "club" as well.... At the dinner table tonight:

Me: "Did you watch the ending of that Chinese show?"
Mom: "No, I was on the phone with Cheu."
Me: "OMG, that show is so lame."
Mom: "What, you forgot her name? How could you?!?!"

Yup. That is my mother and I love her :)

Emptying it all out

There's so much on my mind this past couple of days... I just want to dump everything out and leave it behind. The problem is... I don't know how to dump it all out because I can't even put it into words or express any of my thoughts out...

A student once asked me if I had to choose one superpower to have for the rest of my life, what would it be. I remembered my answer very clearly: time travel. There are days where I wish I can travel back in time so things won't change....

....I feel you have changed so much and I don't know how to respond to all these "changes". I am the worst person to respond to changes... Should I be giving up on this? Should I even bother try "fixing" things and see if things will go better or worse for us? I have no idea. I sometimes wonder why my eyes would start to tear up and I don't even think you're worth me shedding tears for... I feel awkward, I feel weird, and I feel hurt... I'm waiting for the healing and grace from God.

One thing I know out of all these unexpected changes is that: God knows the answer to all my questions - I also know that I should trust that whatever God decides put me into this, He'll be the one that pulls me through.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Interesting thought...

I have absolutely no idea where this money is all coming from... God has been so abundant and gracious to me this past week...it's amazing and hilarious now that I look back on it.

Last week, I was stressing out over some of my financial struggles:

• the amount of money in my bank account is lower than my upcoming VISA bill
• being unemployed for the past few months means no income at all...
  
• paying $50+ on gas every 9 - 10 days piles up my VISA bill even higher
  
• eating out with friends on Thursdays and Sundays regularly (and other random days) can make your bank account go down by a whole lot
• is it worth it to still sponsor a child on my own and another one with a few friends?
• ASKamp + Mark West + transportation = $500 estimated....

However, God has blessed me with the following:

• my mom has graciously offered to help me pay for Mark West at the moment
  
• employed at Starbucks again starting May 10th until I find a teaching job
  
• quarterly GST credit of ~$60 into my bank account on April Fool's
• breaking my piggy bank of emergency fund filled with coins gave me $29
• tax refund will give me over $300 very soon
  
• my dad (whom I rarely talk to) gave me his night's worth of tips money
  

What more can I say? I have enough to pay for ASKamp and miscellaneous things!!!

Why worry for nothing? :) Give all your worries to God and He will not only take care of it, but bless you abundantly!

At the cross

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!" -- Philippians 2:5-8

[Our hearts should be like that of Jesus Christ: missional, humble & sacrificial, servant and submissive.]

Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for our sins.

Oh Lord You’ve searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There’s no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me